Visiting Tihar To Hear A Confession-Part 3

I entered the premises of the Tihar Jail .When, “Either you love her ,or hate her Kiran Bedi" was the IG Prisons ,she had renamed it as Tihar Ashram .I am glad she did ,because it is very demeaning to call anyyone and everyyone staying there as staying in a jail .I fully endorse Kiran Bedis idea of changing the name to Tihar Ashram .Its the largest Ashram in the world ,and is called Tihar because it was built in the village of Tihar where it is now housed .It can house  upto 5000 people ,but at that timewhen I went to meet Aditya  there were more than 10,000 inmates in it .Some amazing things happen there –including production of things which are branded as “made in Tihar”.Kiran Bedi also introduced a meditation centre apart from many other reforms.She is a  amazing woman and you feel her impact at many places (she was called “Crane Bedi”,when she introduced the system of towing away cars by cranes in Delhi-including mine from the Red Fort Area once !!).

I was frisked –though Randhir had made it easier for me to get in .Since my cars number had been handed to the various check points ,I got a number of salutes as I made my way to his office .He greeted me warmly ,and after a quick cup of tea and a butter sandwich ,I was ready to leave for the barrack where I was to meet my “dear”,student.

“I want to wash up and change Randhir.”,I told my IPS officer friend .He appeared quite surprised .

“But Kain ,you look fine .And you are wearing perfectly fine clothes .Acchi Fabindia ki Kameez pehen rakhi hai yaar”,he joked .

“Nahi Randhir .I am meeting Aditya after 20 years .I want him to see me as he saw me when I taught him .I have brought my Levis and T Shirt ,and I will dab a bit of English Leather after shave .The smell and sight should be as close to what he would remember me as .I want to freeze time for him and for myself .He should feel that time has not really slipped away .”.I know it was not theoretically a correct postulate .I knew that time had passed by .I also knew that by seeing him ,that idea would get reinforced .But I wanted to do something my heart was prompting me to do .I changed into my jeans and T-Shirt,and dabbed English Leather liberally on my face .

I walked through the long corridors to a place where Aditya had been called to meet me .Normally  ,friends and relatives are allowed to talk through toughened see through glass on a one to one microphone .But I was given the special privilege because of my high ranking police officer friend .I was to meet him in a small room . “Kain kuch aisi vaisi baat mat karnaa .Closed circuit TV par sab record hota hai .Aur bahut sensitive microphones hai .”These were too many restrictions for someone like me ,who is free talking –but there was nothing sinister I was going to talk anyway .

I walked past several chambers looking out for him .Its obvious that he was looking for me as well ,because much before I could reach his  chamber I heard a rather loud “Good afternoon Sir”.My eyes followed the voice desperately to the chamber from where it came .I picked him up in a flash .It was Aditya .!!I told the constable to leave me alone . “ Jiseh me kayi varshoh se talaash kar rahaa tha ,who mujhe mil gaya.Sadhu Ramji  aap thoraa intezaar kariyeh”.

I moved towards Aditya .It was a intense moment –too intense for me to show exuberance or excitement .It was a  play of silence of words .I looked at the middle aged student –he had kept a beard ,and his cheeks were slightly sunk in .He looked wiry as he always was ,and he looked handsome .His eyes –thank you  God for giving us eyes-they never lie!!-,looked kind and loving .He appeared  so far away from the world I lived in .He appeared so calm ,so collected .He looked as if he knew exactly what his mission on earth was .He looked as if he had got a ticket to heaven and wanted to say some things to people like me before embarking on the journey .He certainly seemed more evolved .And he certainly did not deserve to be in Tihar Ashram .He appeared too valuable to be shut out from  society .I spoke my first words

“Aditya”,and a pause .What to speak and where to start from .?

“Recognized me Sir?”.he said and began “Remember ,I was in..”,and before he could go further ,I told him “You are being unkind .Please don’t try to remind me about yourself .I remember what happened 5000 years back .I cant possibly forget what happened 20 years back.You know Aditya , Satre once said”,and before I could complete the sentence ,he clasped my hands and looked me in the eyes and said “You haven’t changed .I feel  I am sitting in your History Class .!”.

We talked a lot .We talked cricket .We talked politics .We talked of Hindi films .I found him very  mentally  strong .Never once did he give me the impression that he was giving up .Only once ,he casually mentioned that there was no point in living when ones prime was spent behind the walls of a Ashram .I sensed my chance to give him “gyaan”.

“Never have that attitude .Human beings are the only living species that have a choice of living or dying every minute .No other species  can exercise this choice .Every minute I live ,is a statement that I don’t want to die .And I will continue to exercise it till I die –whether on a wheel chair ,a old age home ,a mental asylum ,or here .There is nothing in life called prime time or bad times .If you are alive –its prime time .Make no mistake about that”.There was silence .Then he held both my hands and looked at them .He kept looking at them .He first looked at them with my palms facing towards the sky .Like a astrologer would look at it .Then he turned  them the other way ,with the palms facing the ground .I let him do what he wanted .I did not want to disturb him .It must have been a very private moment between his heart and his mind .He squeezed my hands  gently .  I could sense a great emotional upheaval building inside me .His eyes were down because he was looking at my hands .He lifted them and I saw he was crying .We both held each other and cried buckets .Each tear was telling the story of the past !!The wheel of history had turned a full circle .He was still the young boy who I had taught from the 7^th Class through the 12^th .The wheel took me back to the pranks he had played ,to a cricket match in which while batting ,I ran for a single and he sent me back after I was half way down the pitch .I had come back to the pavilion ,thrown my bat and pads and shouted “He bloody got me run out .He does not know the ABC of cricket .Just because you wear white clothes does not mean you are a cricketer.It was my call .The ball was played behind him .”I had thundered .!!I stopped talking to him for many days –even though he had apologized .I also remembered  the cold December night when I thought he had run into the fields .I had shouted “Aditya come back .”He had not come back .I had tried chasing him .But I had given up .He had once again run me out –but this  time not on the cricket field ,but on the field of life .

My time was now coming to a end .I had carried a small book for him called “Who Moved My Cheese”.In it I had scribbled “To Aditya .Not only for old times ,but for times to Come .I am not praying for you ,because you are young .Please pray for me so that I live long enough to spend few years with you in the future .You have what I don’t have –youth .And don’t worry –I am more caught up in the prisons of my mind .One prison –the inability to make sure that you are freed as soon as possible .And always draw inspiration from people like Nelson Mandella .He spent his whole life in prison .And yet did things which someone like me can never do in innumerable lifetimes .Lots of love –Sir”.

I stood up to go .I looked at him .I wondered whether I would ever see him again .My near shave with death had made sure that I did not take things for granted.I had asked him no questions .He was not in a classroom .He obviously knew much more of life than me .I had just reacted to what he had talked .The roles had changed .He had become my teacher .He had evolved beyond the years which he carried on his young shoulders .

“I will try to keep in touch .Though I wont promise .I am caught up in my own prisons from which I try to escape every  minute .But its been a great pleasure and I feel very proud as to how you have handled the pressure .I learnt a lot from you”,and I patted him on his back .The mystery of the boy who had run away into the fields had not been discussed .I had not asked him .But he had reserved it till the end .

“Sir,I have a confession to make”,he started .He was struggling with himself and his words .

“Haan ,bolo Aditya”,I said .

“Sir ,it was me …..”,and he started to choke up .I completed the sentence “who ran into the fields on a cold night”,I said”.  “But ,its fine ,that’s a thing of the past .Its not a big deal .”I answered .

“But a apology is due for all these years .I  apologize on behalf of Girish as well .Maybe ,if we had spoken the truth …..?”,he started .

“Nothing can change destiny .Just move on .Even in the confines of the four walls you can move on .Dont lose hope .And remember the words of Alexandre Dumas who wrote"Until the day when God will deign to reveal the future to man ,all human wisdom is summed up in two words-WAIT and HOPE" . Its only when you lose hope ,that you lose everything” ,I said and moved away .Sadhu Ram escorted me to my car ,and after a quick lunch ,I was on my way back to Jaipur.  “Nasir ,Kishore  ki CD lagaanaa”,I requested  my driver.As it happened ,the first song in it was

 “Zindagi Ka Safar ,

Hai yeh Kaisa Safar ,

Koi  Samjhaa  Nahi,

Koi  Jaanaa  Nahi”