The Battle To Survive -Part 2

After being struck down by the  near fatal illness ,I came back home to Jaipur, three days prior to Lohri .I was told not to meet people though I would be allowed to attend a small celebration which our hostel staff had arranged on the occasion of Lohri .It was the first time I was going to step out from my house and into the open skies from which I had been kept away in the confines of the ICU,the MRI rooms,the physios room and many other places through which I had been wheeled in and out  .I was to attend the function .I asked to be dressed formally .I asked Sangeeta to bring out one of my suits and also looked very carefully at the tie that would match it .My mother and father in law told me  that I step out in my pyjamas and kurta .They told me that it was not worth the exertion for a function that was to last for just one hour ,and in any case people would understand .I scowled .I fretted .I told them there was no discussion –I would go out dressed like a normal person or else I would not go .!!

I stepped into the cold January wind and into the quadrangle where the staff and kids were waiting for me .Of course ,I had my hand on Sangeetas’shoulder as I felt very wobbly .My vision was blurred-the antibiotics had taken their toll-and I was breathless after a short walk of about 100 metres .Once in a while ,I would get to see stars in my eyes at ground level.My hands involuntarily trembled .I was hopelessly weak. Everyone clapped the moment they saw me –involuntarily .They gave me bouquets and Sanjay ,the Dean of Hostels encouraged  me to speak a few words .I told the gathering ,how nice it felt to be back to where I belonged ,and that I had a peep into the other world .But I did not like it there and like a bad coin I was back .I thanked them for their best wishes which had compelled God to keep me afloat .I could not speak more –I was physically not upto it and emotionally too moved .Each child and staff member appeared so divine .

The struggle to get myself onto my feet ,on my own was the real struggle .It was not  easy .I used to take the easy way out and keep lying in bed .Then one day , it hit me hard –come on ,I told myself .Move your bloody ass .Do something .Maybe you are becoming a liability.Do you want to live like this ? .For everything you ask for someone to help you  .For how long ?My younger sister Bina had given me a stationary cycle .It was lying outside my room .I could see it .I decided to use it .So I hobbled out of the room ,sometimes seeing the same things in double images ,and got onto the cycle .It had a meter which showed how many metres you cyled and how many calories you burnt .And how many minutes you took.The first day i could cycle only 10 metres .!!I set myself small targets .Tommorow 15 metres ,20 metres ,40 metres ..................!!

Once I was on  the cycle I was obsessed .I kept telling myself –no one can help you more than you yourself .I used to pant .I used to puff.I used to feel like a vegetable .The days when i would be able to cycle 5 kms appeared a dream .But i could not abandon it . I had to overcome it .I used to remember the words of our atheletics coach Mr Hooda telling me at times when I trained under him and at times  told him that I was tired .And he would say ‘Aur agar ib there paache sher aur who bhi bhooka ,aa jaye ,to ke karega’?(and now if you come to know that there was a hungry lion behind you what would you do?).Obviously I would run ,I would tell .That spirit had been ingrained in me . I would be working on the cycle four times a day .I had set myself a target to be able to jog on the 4^th of March - sister Kusums birthday .In my mind I wanted to dedicate the jog for whatever it was worth to her .She had helped me take my first few steps at the Apollo hospital .I made my decision  public .There was no going back now .By about the 20^th of Feburary ,I was walking reasonably well .Sometimes I would trip ,but by and large I was steady .I however do remember a Spic Macay programme in which I had to walk down the stairs of our open air theatre and Shalini our Music teacher was accompanying me .As I took a few steps down ,I had a violent bout of dizziness.My head spun,and immediately ,I put my hand on the shoulders of Shalini.I wondered whether I would be able to reach the stage ,and deliver the momentoes and a speech ‘Kya hua Sir”,she asked me rather worried ‘Chakker”I told her .She told me to sit down ,I refused .The hungry lion of Hooda was chasing me .He would eat me up if I sat .!!

And thus it continued .I must confess ,that it was a huge effort .And I must confess that the effort was won in the mind .Its amazing how powerful the mind is .It can make the strongest of bodies look so weak and the weakest of bodies look so strong .Empires are won and lost in the mind .Arguments are won and lost in the mind .Ideas are created and destroyed in the mind .Cultures are wiped out in the mind .You become a criminal because of your mind .You become a saint because of the mind .As long as you can think –you can do anything .Always evaluate a person by the way he /she thinks .

4^th March came .I was ready for the run .I had taken a few jogs in the protection of the darkness of the evening .And it had felt fine .So I took Pratique with me and told him

‘See I am going to run today.You can call your friends and tell them how to learn  a lesson on how to honour a commitment .Not to anyone else ,but to oneself”.And in the presence of a few children I ran –or jogged .The kids cheered me on .I had won my first battle .But I was getting ready for my second .To Squash with Pratique .As a tribute to his guts and optimism about the strength of his father .When everything was lost in the hospital –except hope ,Pratique was the one who had commented –
“My Dad is very strong .I know it because I play squash with him everyday.Nothing will happen to him” .And after saying this,had clung onto his Mom ,and  had broken down ."Mom what will happen if Dad.........?",he had sobbed .
"We will have to manage .I am there .And dont worry son , Dad will be fine ",Sangeeta had answered .
The little boy's,and his steely Mom's  hope and courage had to be honoured .And with that thought in my mind ,my leg would propel the pedal one more time .Over and over again .Morning ,afternoon,evening and sometimes midnight when i lay awake .No way was i ever going to give up .Never have i been a quitter -even when i clung on to life by a thread .
The lion was again chasing me .

(To be concluded)