School Reunions-Why Most Of Us Love Them!!

I was  browsing the Facebook page of a prominent school of  Dehradun on which a ex student (now in her 60ties ),had put up two photographs of the school she had studied in during the sixties .And inevitably the word nostalgia found its way into the photographs captions .Nothing new .We all put up photographs of the schools we studied in .And we all want to flaunt its rich heritage and its distinguished alumni .The response was also expected –a flood of teary eyed comments ,about the teachers ,about the friends and about the passing away of so and so .!!Again nothing new .

But the question still remains –why do we respond so powerfully to a collective memory of something which we never liked so much at the time we were in it ?Schools then ,(and let me be honest even now ) were always  a symbol of something that was not a joyous experience to go through .It led to a movement which propagated that if a child likes to go to a school –then it’s a good school,irrespective of whether he learnt anything there or not  .Otherwise –it’s a bad school .!But years down the line all stressful memories  get  washed away and the one memory that keeps haunting you is  –“school was wow .I wish I could go back to it .Oh –what would I not give to be taught by Mr G.C .Gupta or Mr J.L. D’Souza”.!!Why ?

I think its partly because as human beings we get “selective” about our memories .We tend to select the great moments of our life –and we have plenty of them in school .

Psychologists also propound the theory that the recall factor is the strongest when we are young .In other words –the further one goes into the past ,the stronger are the memories .Which is interesting because one would expect that what happened in the near past should be clearer in our memory than something that happened lets say about 40 years back .But in practical terms it does not work like that. .At least as far as I am concerned –I have very vivid memories of what happened when I was a school boy and less of  them  what happened to me lets say about 5 years back .The result –we connect with what we can remember ,and schooldays are the strongest connect ,because they go as far as one can get as one ages .

Apart from what psychologists say ,I think there are certain other factors which make school days  chil always special .No matter what one goes through –childhood is always associated with your dreams .Its a special quality that a child has –to dream .To dream and enjoy  it –you  have to be be a child or as innocent as a child .The entire school system was based on selling you dreams .I remember writing a essay “if I could fly”.!!And I remember reading a fairy tale of “Thumbelina”,and “Jack and the beanstalk”.!! I remember acting in “Cindarella”as Prince Charming  in “Cindarella”.

I remember asking my mother once as to why people die .She tried to handle it in a simple way by saying “People die when they stop breathing”.But why would people want to stop breathing ?I vowed not to stop breathing ever ,and so much so  that when I saw my mother in coma, and everyone around me was telling me that  i must be “brave”,I just saw no  reason for it .I went near her still body ,and could see her breathing .I was convinced that everyone was being unduly pessimistic . Innocence (like foolishness ),has a joy .I don’t know whether I was foolish –but I promise you that like many schoolboys ,I was innocent .As I grew up –it kept getting diluted in my quest to be successful .

While in school we dream of our future .In a uninhibited way .I wanted to be truck driver .Why would anyone not want to be a truck driver ?One got to drive endlessly ,one did not have to switch off lights at 9 pm and go off to sleep ,one need not take the compulsory afternoon nap between 3 to 4pm and one could eat food at any place on a highway .There were wonderful dhabhas as we drove with my dad on the Dehradun –Delhi Highway and while we stopped at them for a cold drink or a hot cup of tea ,I could see the drivers of the trucks just lie on the charpoys and gorge into wonderful dhabha food .I wanted to be a truck driver .I never understood why father  scowled at me .But as a schoolboy no one could stop me from dreaming .Thats another matter that I was not allowed to chase them .

Years down the line my thought processes got “corrupted”.I started eyeing jobs that were “status” oriented and which would fetch me money .And it got more “corrupt” when my son started doing a course at college .”Economics” was the mantra .Why ?Well you can crack either the IAS ,or the CAT ,or you could do research and become a Professor at a American University .!!You could also become a investment banker or work with the World Bank .You could go to the London School of Economics or the London Business School .!!After all –he is my only child !!So life has become very complicated now .But as a school boy –those days –no one ever thought in such a complicated way .

Another reason for glorifying your schooldays is perhaps the fact that one is in great health when one is in school .The deterioration sets in gradually –the niggling pains ,the increase in blood pressure ,the increase in blood sugar ,the high cholestoral level ,the odd operation ,the nightmare of the ICU ,a heart attack ,-these are things one never thinks of when one is in school .And yet –these are things which obsess people as they age .We get worried about the bulging belly and the hips ,we get worried about the streaks of grey as they start to show and we get horrified to see the crows feet near our eyes .Oh God –schooldays were so lovely .!!

And perhaps the most important reason for loving our schooldays is the fact that we are more equal in a school than in  any other place where we gather regularly to work in life later  .True there is a difference between children who do well in studies and the others-but then that gets offset by children who do brilliantly in debates or games or music etc .Or by someone who is hopeless in everything else –but has great looks .He was the guy all the girls were mad about .And girls in school never think like girls in college or in jobs –how much money does this guy have and after 10 years what rank will he be holding .!! The reason for liking someone was looks and the persons ability to care for you .For me it still is .!!

As we move on in life ,we get into more and more complicated formulas about how to live it .And frankly speaking I don’t understand half of them .I was recently at the Secretariat of a state where my school mate is the Chief Secretary .In between conversations with me ,he was attending to some visitors as well .And most of the time he was talking stuff which I could not understand . “No no Mr Duggal ,how can he be junior to you” he said

“Sir , because he is drawing less salary than me”,replied Mr Duggal .Made sense to me –but not to the Chief Secretary .

“Mr Duggal ,but he is in a higher scale than you”, and things were getting complicated now .Scales ?

“But Sir ,his grade pay is less than mine”,replied Duggal .I switched off .!!When he left my friend looked at me and said 

“He has a  problem of pay fixation .Thoda sa complicated hai mamlaa”.!!And then replied

“Yaar Kulu ,there were no complications when we were in school .I remember you were in Ranjit House and I was in Ashoka House and all of us had the bun and samosa at the tea break .!!”he said

“And you came first in Class ,while I was the Headboy.But remember Amar Sharma the good looking guy .?We envied him as he had all the CJM girls running around him.And he had played Under 19 Cricket for India  .”I replied .And then after a time I said “Sadly ,he passed away a few years back in Mumbai .Too much of drinking –too much of smoking”

“Yes”,replied my school mate  . “At the end of the day ,death is the greatest leveler.Baki sab democracy ke fundey bekaar hai .(All other Fundamentals of Democracy are fake)We are all equal that way”,he said

“And perhaps we are more equal than ever again  while we are at school .We pay the same fees ,we wear the same uniforms ,we are taught by the same teachers ,we have the same type of classrooms ,and we have unlimited and uninhibited dreams .No one can tax us on that”,I replied .

Maybe that’s the reason why we glorify schooldays.It helps us to forget  the sharp inequalities that overtake our lives as we grow older.No one likes to live in a system in which one feels privileged at the expense of the others .And maybe that’s why we love going back for reunions .You are still known by your school numbers and your school houses .And the talk will inevitably veer around to incidents that took place many years back .A reunion in which people are talking about Indo Pak relations or about Anand Kejriwal –is not a school union . A reunion is a resurrection of our past and our dreams .Not all of them worked out –but at least I am glad I dreamt them .!!