Dont Worry Ma -I Am Fine !!

Who ran to help me when I fell,
And would some pretty story tell,
Or kiss the place to make it well?
My mother.
~Ann Taylor

She had a unusual name –Guro .It may have been a corrupted form of “Guru” which in Sanskrit means –teacher .Or it may have been influenced by someone who was a Filipino in whose language “Guro” means –a martial arts teacher .I suspect that she got her name from the former (Sanskrit)rather  than from the latter –because my mother was one of the gentlest and God fearing woman I have ever met .I cant ever imagine her to do anything with martial art –even in her name .

I have many memories of her , even though she passed away when I was not even 15 years old .She was born into a rather prosperous joint business family in Mandalay .She lost her dad when she was very young and made her way back to India to Hajipur in Talwara ,Punjab with my Naani .From what I recall ,she was full of stories of the bad times just preceding Indias independence when young and pretty women had to be safeguarded from murderous and wild men who had lost their sense of decency and reason .But she survived all that and was married to my Dad who was for all practical  purposes was a “British Hindu” and empowered with a degree from the prestigious King Edward Medical College ,Lahore .She was rather tall for a Indian woman ,not overweight and extremely pretty looking .

After getting his medical degree ,Dad got a job in Burma and my Mom went with him as a newly wed bride .I don’t have photographs of their marriage ,but I do have lots of them in their early married life .She gave birth to six of us –and with not much gap between any  two of us .It must have been tough .And it must have been very demanding to manage so many of us more or less simultaneously .And in the middle of looking after all of us  –she must have looked after Dad as well ,because he was a social climber , flambuoyant and a successful doctor who liked to socialize.He had fondness for whiskey and cigarettes and was surrounded by pretty women .

When I look back –I think Mom was a exceptional human being .I don’t want to sound like a good son ,but I do think that she had a lot of resilience .Primarily because she looked after 6 of us .Secondly because she tried to mix and match with the lifestyle of a successful man .And lastly because she coped so well with her illness .She was struck with hypertension at a young age –and in those days hypertension was a killer .

We came back to India when General Ne Win overthrew U Nu (both were my Dads friends !!)and asked all “foreigners” to leave .We were very young .And my Mom was pretty ill .I remember someone  showing her our new  house in Clement Town and Dad telling her “Guro ,now we will stay here till we die”.!!And when she passed away before him –he made sure that part of her ashes were buried in our house .He obviously loved her a lot and appeared very dependent on  her emotionally (all overbearing men are very dependent on their wives I feel ).Being a doctor ,he looked after her very well .He would check her blood pressure everyday ,read journals to see the latest in medical breakthroughs ,and administer her medicines .Even she was very interested in medical breakthroughs .I remember how excited she was when the first heart transplant was performed in South Africa by Dr Christiaan Barnard .She was a star gazer and had great fantasies about what stars were all about .She was convinced that life existed in the some stars  .She lapped up every bit about Louis Armstrongs landing on the moon .She was surprised that he met no one there.

The one thing that she apparently thought a lot about was death .She took tranquilizers to sleep most of the time .Maybe she was not worried about what happened after death to her as much as to what would happen to us once she left the world .None of us were settled –except my eldest sister who had got married .The rest of us –were still studying .She was particularly worried about me .I never got the grades that my other siblings got .My father often reminded her that I was a school headboy and very talented .But she had a mindset that jobs come with marks !!. “He will be left behind” she would say .I had no clue as to why she was so apprehensive .

Finally ,hypertension got the better of  her .I remember I had just walked  into the house after getting off from the school bus .She would normally wait in the main bedroom through which we would pass to change and have our lunch .She would enquire about how school was .We would ask her “Ma ,what has been made for lunch today”!!If she was averagely okay ,she would get down from the bed and make paranthas for us .She was a specialist in  making them.But on that fateful day -19^th Feb ,1970 –she was lying down .I asked her “Ma ,how are you?”,.She smiled ,tried to say something ,nodded her head and tried to touch me .She convulsed ,her eyes shut and she fell silent .She had suffered a massive stroke .It was the last time I had addressed her as “Ma”,  to which she had responded .Three days later –she passed away after my father tried everything to save her .For three days our pet dog Tiger did not move from under her bed –either to have food or go out for his normal chores .My father bathed her (as is customary for Hindus to do),dressed her in a resplendent saree ,applied  sindoor and bindi .In our customs it is said that lucky women leave the world before their husbands .In that sense Ma was lucky .It was also for the first time that we saw our father with a unshaved bristle .All of a sudden he looked immensely old .It seemed as if a 100 meter runner had tripped and fallen ,and who refused to get up and run again  .He passed away in less than 2 years after  her death .

Life is strange .We do not know have a clue as to  what happens to the dead .As human beings we have conquered many frontiers –but not this one  .Maybe she can see all of us every minute of the day .Maybe she can see her young schoolboy son now all grey .Maybe she can understand that her  ageing son has been very conscious of what ideals she has taught him .Maybe she can read this blog .And if she can ,then here is a message for you Ma –don’t worry ,I have done fine . But because you were not around , I always felt  that instead of going in to every  fight with backup, I was going  into every fight alone.It has been lonely at most times . On Mothers Day –thank you for bringing me into the world and thank you for imbibing values which have given me happiness .Only a  mother like you could have done that .