What Life Has Taught Me So Far.!!

When I look back at life I often wonder what I learnt from my failures  .Did I take them consciously as failures or did they affect me subconsciously ?Did I work hard to overcome them? Or did I just ride with my destiny ?And in the end ,am I happy where I am ?

The answer to all the questions is “yes”.  Yes ,I did learn from my failures .Yes I did know that I had failed in some of the things I tried .Yes ,I was disappointed with my failures .And Yes ,I am very happy as of now .

I was born into a wealthy family and went to one of  the best schools, St Josesphs Academy, in Dehradun(my hometown), and colleges-Hansraj College  (in Delhi University) .I did the course I wanted to do –History Hons .I wanted to get into the IAS like my brother and brother in law .I failed .I tried teaching in one of the best colleges in North India .Could not get along with my Principal who thought he was giving me unemployment dole .I resigned .I was unemployed for a long period of time –nearly 2 years .(Imagine how someone who had studied in a terrific school ,and who was its Headboy and ace cricketer, and then went on to top his college in second year and Captain its cricket team ,as well as make a mark for himself in debating ,and was popular with the girls in his Univ days must have felt ).

That was the time that I sat down to consciously reflect and learn from what failures did to me .All of a sudden it dawned on me that its no use blaming anyone for anything .I did not rebel against God for having snatched my parents before I had left school .There was no point .It was something that could not be reversed .There was no point in blaming the UPSC for my failure to  clear the exams .I just did not have it in me to sit for hours on end preparing notes and then reproducing them to score marks .I was just not made that way .There was no way I could clear the State Bank Of Indias Probationary Officers Exam because my numeracy skills were not good enough .I could never have been happy as a banker even if I had cleared the exam .There was no point of teaching in a college in which no one applied for history as a subject for graduation .

Teaching girls at a special school in Dehradun.

I realized that blaming someone also has a “expiry” date .You can blame someone for sometime ,but that is not going to take you forward .One has to get out of this “sinking sand”,or “whirlpool” quickly .Otherwise it will consume you .That was the great lesson that I learnt from life at a early age .One is responsible for everything that one does .Do not blame others .

The second thing I learnt from life is that your true friends will NOT desert you when you have nothing .Thats because they realize what you are worth .In life one goes through ups and downs .There will always be people who will crowd around you because they can “use” you .But once your utility is gone –they will dump you .Its a lesson that must be learnt very fast –otherwise you are going to be disappointed very often .I learnt that I must not lean on people to the extent that they become my need .When I was the Principal in a very good school near Lucknow ,my Secretary there used to be all over me –sending me cards ,making mutton curry and sending it to me ,trying to give me gifts etc .And very cleverly try to get benefits for himself –a typical “mover and shaker”.The moment I left ,he started lobbying  by saying all kinds of things against me ,with my successor who incidentally was a great friend of mine .I was not dissappointed at all .He always had a personality like that .And when I fell ill and almost died ,there were people who came to meet my wife reassuring her that they would not leave till I was not out of the ICU.There was a friend of mine who made his way from Karnal with lakhs of rupees with him and telling Sangeeta "I know you have enough ,but here is the money so that you dont have to ask anyone or go to the banks or ATMs to withdraw .It will save you time ".And along came another friend of mine from Panipat -Vinod Sharma ,the Principal of DPS Panipat with another stack of notes .What  wonderful gestures .Imagine their  thought processes .P.C .Gupta , Vinoo -i will never forget your amazing gesture. .Success and failure taught me how to differentiate between the chaff and the grain .

And Principals at the IIM Ahmedabad .!!

Failure also taught me to believe in destiny .It propelled  me into the  field of school teaching which I had never thought of going into .Once I started to teach ,I realized how good I was at it .Failure taught me and took me to my strenght –teaching in a school .It also made me realize how hard I could work .I used to work through the day (I was teaching in a residential school)and used to sit up till early hours of the morning preparing notes and worksheets .I realized I was like a star .!!Or at least that’s what the kids made me feel .And there was no looking back .

The going has been great in the school profession .It has got me awards ,taken me around the world .I have rubbed shoulders with the high and mighty and realized that they are not really great people –they have different skills .They would make lousy teachers !!Life has taught me that one must play to ones skills .There is no point in trying to be like Amitabh Bacchhan or Lata Mangeshkar if you cant act or sing .Also ,that there is no reason to believe that they are happier than me .So be happy at what you are good at –even if you can cobble shoes .The problem will arise when you try to be like someone else without having those skills .A rabbit must skip and a tortoise must swin .If they interchange their roles –both will fail .

In many ways ,people from my generation have had to make the most changes .We had to adapt to the technology that has the world in its grip .Todays generation are by default “wired” to the flat screen TVs ,the cell phones ,the Iphone and the IPad,Twitter ,Google ,Skype,the touch screen and flutter technology ,Internet Banking ,and Internet Bookings .We were not born into any of these .We have had to delearn and relearn .!!Which is always a more difficult thing to do .The fact that we have been able to do it and that too in style ,makes someone like me very proud .And that is something that success and failure taught me –love and respect myself .Look for success in things apart from just how much money you earn or what designation is hung outside your office wall .Have you learnt from your experiences ?Are you healthy?Do people love you ?Do people trust you ?If the answer to the above questions is yes –then you are a success .!!And you are sure to live a good life –even though it may not be a long life .But living a good life is more important than living a bad long life.!! As Seneca the great Roman philosopher had written

“In life ,as in a book ,its is not how long it is .It is how good it is “. That is the definition for success for me .