What Sneezy Taught Me .

We never got Sneezy ‘married’(I don’t like to use the word ‘crossed’).Somehow we  could not find a mate good enough for her .We did see a very nice dog of a teacher of our school-Dr Usha Ajay Singh -,but Sneezy did not like him  She would not let him come near her .She was getting on in age and was more than 7 years old –we decided we would not try it again.We knew we were denying her two very basic instincts of any animal –sex and motherhood .But it was just one of those quirks of life that we could not help. She aged gracefully –she had put on weight ,but her movements were slower .She was no longer chasing the cows and the squirrels with the same speed as when she was younger .But she appeared to be fit for her age.And very ,very beautiful.

However, one day we found her unusually lethargic. .We took her to the vet .He checked her  and told us that she was running high fever .He gave her a injection and some antibiotics .She was up and about .We were very happy and even took her to  the Campion School Fete.We thought the problem was over . But it was only temporary relief because she again became  lethargic and lazy after a  couple of days .And she would not leave us even for a minute  . For the first time we started noticing traces of fear in her eyes .Normally,Sangeeta ,Pratique and me would go to the school ,and everytime we came back ,Sneezy would be standing on the sofa next to a big window which overlooked the gate .One day she was not there .We were worried and opened the door .She was waiting for us just behind the door .We hugged her and asked her what was wrong .Why was she not waiting for us near the window ,as she usually did ?She was very ill we realized –because she could hardly stand and had not been able to climb the sofa .We immediately rushed her to the vet .She was running fever again .She wasn’t eating .She woulnt leave us .Her eyes followed us wherever we went .We refused to go out of her sight .The doctor told us that she needed to be put on the drip .If you do not  know Spitz’s well, look at their legs .They are really thin .The vet looked for her vein in her hind leg .It took him some time to locate it.It was a terrible sight to see her with a needle –all tied up .We did all we could to make her feel comfortable .But deep down in my heart and in the dark crevices of my mind I was thinking –must she be wondering why we were putting her through all this ?Yes , she did not know the vet ,he owed her nothing .But to Sangeeta ,Pratique and me she had given everything she had .Why were we silent spectators to her pain?Some questions never get answered in life .But that does not mean you never ask them .

After a few days her condition deteriorated further .She started passing blood in her stool and urine .Her time was clearly up.She was suffering from the dreaded disease parvo.But I refused to give up .I took her to a different hospital .The vet told me that we needed to give her blood transfusions .And that ,that facility did not exist in Bhopal .Dogs unlike humans  have 13 types of blood groups .More injections and more drips for my Sneezy .She had more or less been reduced to a skeleton now.She had completely submitted to us .She never protested to anything we did to her  .But she never dirtied the inside of the  house even at that  stage   .When she wanted to respond to natures call ,she would whimper .I would pick her in my arms,hold her from the stomach upwards and she would pass out foul smelling urine and stool .And then I would wash her .When ever I did that ,she would look the other way –she hated the ultimate dependency –someone else cleaning her  up .It was December and we would wrap her up in  a blanket .I could feel her bones through it .She obviously could not jump onto the bed on her own .She had become more or less paralysed .The calls and visits to the vet became more frequent –sometimes 5 times in a day .One day he asked us –‘Should we put her to sleep?’.’No’ ,I answered aggressively and spontaneously. ‘You seem to have given up.We haven’t’.Please treat her as if she is going to live and not as if she is going to die .Miracles do happen Doctor”,I almost yelled,with tears in my eyes . 
 We charged him with  disinterest and changed him .We  saw something very precious being taken away from us and we appeared so helpless .We realized how small we were .We did everything that someone like us could do . We clutched onto to the last straw .We had not given birth to her .We had no right to take away her life .If it was her and our karma to suffer ,so be it .We would not run away from it .She had stopped eating the matars and gajar. .But she wagged her tale feebly everytime we called her name .She was not dead .

I remember the day on which she passed away .We had put her in the room on the floor,lest she topple over the side of the bed  .It was decided that after every hour we would go and check her up .The school was just about 5 minutes from our house .We said goodbye to her and when I came back after a hour I saw the strangest thing which I have never been able to explain since .Sneezy was sitting on the bed .There was no one in the house .How on earth had she got onto the bed ?It was as if she was waiting for me to come as she sometimes did on the bed .I was absolutely delighted and asked her how she had managed to jump onto the bed ‘Good girl’,I told her ‘You have recovered’.As soon as I said that, she collapsed .She was limp .I phoned up Sangeeta and told her to bring Pratique along .I told them that the end was near .They both rushed home .By this time I had put her on the floor, where a patch of sunshine filtered in .It was 23^rd December 1997. .The sun rays  fell on her once magnificent coat –it still looked very sleek .But unfortunately she was not sneezing.She appeared very still ,though breathing  .I reached for the phone and phoned up the vet .He asked me the position of the tongue .I told him that it was drooping from the side of the mouth .And that she was very still.And that the eyes were starting to look stony At that moment, while I was talking ,she convulsed  ,Her head turned towards me.Her tail wagged  feebly once ,and her her semi stony  eyes met mine.One last time .Then she stopped breathing!! .She had said her final goodbye .The curtain fell and ended a great relationship .

We lowered her into a grave dug quite deep along with lots  of rose petals , gaajar and matar!!.We propped her head on her favourite cushion.Sangeeta put a beautiful red ‘bindi’ on her forehead .We thanked her for the lovely times we spent with her .We apologized to her for any inconvenience that we might have caused .We thanked her for teaching us that those who cant speak ,can shout through their silence .We thanked her for teaching us how to live inspite of losing someone whom one loves dearly .We thanked her for teaching us that true love is never calculating –it is spontaneous .We thanked her for teaching us that you are  smallest  when you are selfish,and you can be larger than life ,when you give , –no matter what  your size  .We thanked her for teaching us ,that it is better to have loved and lost ,than never to have loved at all.We told her that we  hoped we would meet again somewhere .And till that happened ,we said goodbye .We planted a beautiful Ashok tree over her grave .And within 5 days time ,we had got another pup exactly like her .We named her Sneezy 2 .Till today Sneezy is still with me –now it is Sneezy 4 .And don’t I dote on her ?You bet .I can stake my life for her.I continue to learn from my best friends –my dogs . .